____________________________________________ 9 IICC Perspectives Khamenei said, “Every time there is a smile on the Americans’ faces, they are hiding a new danger behind their backs.” An Iranian’s first response will almost always be positive and tentative, but it must not be seen as expressing his real opinion. First he will exhaust you trying to understand your position, and only then will he give you an answer that can be interpreted as both “yes” and “no.” The Iranian will almost never allow you to understand what he genuinely wants, and his positive response to your question is a basis for later interpretation. Almost always, you will leave the meeting feeling good, thinking you achieved your goals, when the reality is quite the opposite. You will receive an intermediate response that can be interpreted in many ways, and while he gives you the impression that he accepts your position, in the end, he will do exactly as he pleases. The Iranian will almost never allow you to understand what he genuinely wants, and his positive response to your question is a basis for later interpretation. An Iranian merchant will negotiate to sell something as if he has no real interest in the matter and as if he has all the time in the world. The buyer will act the same way. This approach is a way of life, a sort of game in which one holds onto one’s assets, not rushing to sell, and tries to get the highest possible return. Time is not a constraint and patience pays off. The Iranian approach to negotiations is indeed characterized by delaying, stalling for time and threatening the other side. Befarmaid is a form of politeness or flattery, a courteous refusal of an offer or refreshment, and is a basic form of interaction. The guest in Iran is all-important and enjoys the highest status. Two Persians will always stand at the doorway insisting the other go first. A proper Iranian will never begin eating before the other person, and a very common Persian word is befarmaid (“please,” or literally, “kindly do”). He will also never leave a room with his back to someone of higher rank or status, and he will always offer something with both hands and a slight bow, an expression of submission (so to speak). Ketman governs the invisible layers of life, courtship, family matters and political negotiations. It is the unwritten code of how people are expected to behave. One must be polite and appear sincere while concealing one’s true feelings, turning pretense into an art form. According to a well-known Persian saying, “You never reveal your intentions or your true identity lest you expose yourself to danger.” Denial is central to Iranian behavior and culture, and is deeply rooted in Shi’ite belief. If you admire an Iranian’s pen he will offer it to you with both hands, expecting you to insist he shouldn’t offer it because you don’t want it, until this absurd back-and-forth ends with his surrender, “only because he doesn’t want to go back on his word.”
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